I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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