Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
