I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
