I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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