Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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