Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
