We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
