I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
