im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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