I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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