you guys were way drunker than both of me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
