so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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