I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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