The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
