she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
