Whod you bang
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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