I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
