please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
