You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
