She is in my trunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
