apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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