I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize