just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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