I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
