I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize