Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
