i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Less talking, more tequila
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
