Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
