What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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