2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
