Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize