Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
