im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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