She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
