my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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