I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize