Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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