he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
