It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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