The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
