Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
