Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.

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(410): View more from Maryland

she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible

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(905): View more from Ontario

He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.

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(425): View more from Washington

Breakfast of champions

(206): View more from Washington

Is that a dick crepe?

(425): View more from Washington

It is indeed

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(973): View more from New Jersey

So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla

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(219): View more from Indiana

Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol

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