Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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