Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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