I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
