So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
