I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
