I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
