I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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