he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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