can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
