Did I show you my penis last night?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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