dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
