im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
