This house was built for laser tag.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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