I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize