You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
