My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
