you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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