The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
