I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
