Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
