yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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