It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
