you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
FUCK WHALES
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
