It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just got carded by a ten year old.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
