dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Randomize
