im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
