he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
