I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
