I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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